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Discussion with author of Solo and Smart, The Roadmap for a Supportive and Secure Future

Discussion with the author of Solo and Smart, The Roadmap for a Supportive and Secure Future, Carol Marak When author Carol Marak was helping to care for her aging parents, she got a wake-up call. Who, she wondered, would help to care for her when she grew older?

Questions Asked

  • I've recently become an "empty nester". This is a slightly different scenario. I'd like hints for adjusting- I have a full life outside of my child but it's a difficult transition for me nonetheless. Thanks
  • Thanks. I'm a recovering therapist and understand the dynamics but still miss my kid. We see each other a lot, but she (and our dog) aren't staying in the house anymore.
  • Thank you for this great topic today.  What suggestions do you have for arranging for legal issues, like executor for your estate, POA, Medical POA, etc.
  • I've always enjoyed living alone but now that I've lived with her, it's different
  • I have Asperger's making friends are difficult for  me
  • I am stuck trying to decide between aging in my single family house versus an independent retirement community. I work with seniors (I'm in my 60s) and so many are adamant about staying at home but I'm already feeling isolated. What am I missing?
  • How do you define "being a burden"?
  • Really difficult to get family and friends to have the conversation about funeral plans and life support estate matters etc., can community offer resources to listen hear know our wishes
  • Son says being morbid is that a burden to him to talk about this with his loved one (mom) or should it be a thrid party bringing all together?

Chat Transcript

12:05:43     From  Marilyn Gordon   to   Hosts and panelists : Are previous recordings available?

12:06:54     From  Carol Marak : Welcome to Solo and Smart. I’m Carol Marak, please contact me Carol@CarolMarak.com if you have questions. Here’s a link to my book on Amazon https://www.amazon.com/Carol--L.-Marak/e/B09TBFT9QY

12:08:15     From  Steve Gurney - ProAging Sourcebook : All of our discussions are posted at retirementlivingsourcebook.com/digital-discussions

12:08:50     From  Steve Gurney - ProAging Sourcebook : Here are the previous solo aging discussions https://www.retirementlivingsourcebook.com/videos?q=solo

12:09:10     From  Nan Miller : Hello from outside of Albany, NY.

12:10:11     From  Lynn Jacobson   to   Hosts and panelists : Same here.  Trying to form a co-housing community in Baltimore is impossible   no zoning or density available. No one wants 30 old people in their neighborhood.

12:10:16     From  Margie Lidoff   to   Hosts and panelists : A great book relevant to this topic is "Inheriting Clutter" by Julie Hall

12:10:37     From  eric weiss : thanks Carol

12:13:47     From  Arlene Polangin : Can you send the link to listen to the past videos.  I see them on this, but I need to know how to access them independent of today's program.  Arlene to Steve

12:13:48     From  Steve Gurney - ProAging Sourcebook : From Margie Lidoff to All Panelists 12:10 PM

A great book relevant to this topic is "Inheriting Clutter" by Julie Hall

12:14:47     From  Steve Gurney - ProAging Sourcebook : From Lynn Jacobson to All Panelists 12:10 PM

Same here.  Trying to form a co-housing community in Baltimore is impossible   no zoning or density available. No one wants 30 old people in their neighborhood.

12:15:24     From  Steve Gurney - ProAging Sourcebook : From Michele Higgs to All Panelists 12:02 PM

Michele Higgs, Housing Initiative Partnership, Montgomery County (MD) Home Sharing Program

12:15:41     From  Steve Gurney - ProAging Sourcebook : From Natalie Doyle to All Panelists 12:02 PM

Here from Arlington, VA as well. Greetings to all.

12:16:00     From  Patricia Cresta Savage : From Comforcare in Glen Burnie MD serving Howard County and No Anne Arundel County. We provide CNA's and Companions to the Elderly and Disabled.     We have nurses on staff who conduct Assessments and follow up Evaluations for our clients. 410 760-8906

12:16:10     From  Jacke Schroeder : Would you please show the slide again that has the life domains in a constellation?  Thnaks!

12:16:24     From  Debra Hallisey : Deb Hallisey here from Lawrenceville, NJ from www.advocateformomanddad.com

12:16:58     From  Rebecca Wild-Wesley : Joining from Rhode Island, an aging life care manager specializing in work with proactive planners in planning  before aging becomes difficult. Rebecca Wild-Wesley, CMC

12:17:51     From  Jacke Schroeder : Good afternoon.  I'm Jacke Schroeder, elder abuse prevention and response program at CHANA.  jschroeder@associated.org.  www.chanabaltimore.org

12:18:49     From  Mary Williams : Terrific Topic for today.  Mary Williams, Realtor, Senior Real Estate Specialist with Samson Properties serving the Dulles Airport regional area of Northern Virginia

12:21:14     From  Elaine C.   to   Hosts and panelists : Will this presentation be available/accessible again afterwards? Thank you!

12:22:33     From  Elaine C.   to   Hosts and panelists : Also seconding Arlene’s question about past videos, are they available on Steve’s website? Thanks!

12:23:05     From  Anne-Marie Tywonek : Grey divorce WHILE caregiving full-time elder mom WHILE grieving death of my dad after caregiving a sad suffering ending WHILE ongoing assistance with sibling in group home with intellectual disability WHILE keeping in touch with young adult kids WHILE trying to looking after yourself (last on the list :-(  )

12:23:25     From  Arlene Polangin : I'd always had a variety of ages in friends.  Now I find the older ones have gone into independent or assisted living.  Thus, I have fewer friends and with Covid, limited in being able to find new friends.  One child estranged and living in Germany.  The other has his own life and, at times, I feel like a burden to him.

12:23:35     From  Karen Dotson : Karen Dotson, Program Coordinator, Virginia POST (physician order for scope of treatment), www.virginiapost.org an endorsed program of National POLST www.polst.org - POST/POLST communicates your wishes as medical orders.  POST/POLST is for the seriously ill or frail and they offer more options than a Do Not Resuscitate (DNR) order.  If you know someone who would benefit from a POST/POLST order, contact your doctor or care facility to see if they participate in the program.  If not, refer them to their state POST contact.

12:23:58     From  Mary Williams : My father passed away at age 39 and my Mom lived to age 97.  She never remarried, and while not wealthy, she was totally self sufficient financially.  A wonderful role model to her 4 kids.

12:24:11     From  Anne-Marie Tywonek : The pandemic has brought into focus what MANY of been dealing with for a very VERY long time

12:24:16     From  Steve Gurney - ProAging Sourcebook : All of our discussions are posted at retirementlivingsourcebook.com/digital-discussions

Here are the previous solo aging discussions https://www.retirementlivingsourcebook.com/videos?q=solo

12:24:56     From  Ellen Pincus : Thanks for this wonderful presentation. Ellen Pincus Community Ambassador with Silverado Memory Care Assisted Living in Alexandria, VA Cell 571-775-9408 ellen.pincus@silverado.com.

12:29:12     From  Elaine C. : @ Rebecca Wild-Wesley - any suggestions how to find an “aging life care manager” or similar, in my area? Thank you!

12:30:12     From  Anne-Marie Tywonek : Thank you Carol and Steve :-)

12:30:45     From  Jacke Schroeder : Margie may like to read From "The Inner Work of Age: Shifting from Role to Soul" by Connie Zweig.  I don't recommend listening to it but reading it.  Also, "The Second Half of Life" by Angeles Arrien.  :-)

12:31:10     From  Anne-Marie Tywonek : Money you speak of is VERY typical for a lot of women

12:32:42     From  Jacke Schroeder : For women, many women have fewer earning years for child rearing, in addition to lower wages, often.

12:33:53     From  Joe Sperling : Eldere law attorney!

12:34:38     From  Anne-Marie Tywonek : LOL, I say I'm living a triple decker Club Sandwich (Sandwich Generation)

12:34:42     From  Rebecca Wild-Wesley : It is not just a document, it's an identified person such as an elder law attorney. Also, having a relationship with an aging life care manager who can be a coach and guide along the way is very helpful for the solo ager.

12:34:47     From  Catherine Turner   to   Hosts and panelists : My screen shows a statement: Live Transcription has been enabled, but I don't see any closed captions.

12:35:30     From  Anne-Marie Tywonek : Communicate clearly the true energy and responsibility and time to be your executor etc.

12:36:19     From  eric weiss : I hate being a pest by asking help

12:36:53     From  Joe Sperling : Get over it.  We all need help.

12:38:03     From  Margie Lidoff   to   Hosts and panelists : Thank you, Jackie. ????

12:38:25     From  Gelareh Bassiry : Also, remember the Area Agency on Aging in your area is the window to a lot of resources you might not know about .

12:39:00     From  Arlene Polangin : Which discussion was Ithat? Arlene I

12:39:01     From  Carol Marak : Welcome to Solo and Smart. I’m Carol Marak, please contact me Carol@CarolMarak.com if you have questions. Here’s a link to my book on Amazon https://www.amazon.com/Carol--L.-Marak/e/B09TBFT9QY

12:39:06     From  Anne-Marie Tywonek : Great advice Steve!!!  re: what your interests are and curiosities, passions etc.

12:39:18     From  Arlene Polangin : I do 5 classes from Senior Planet every week.

12:39:44     From  Roberta Brooks : Eric, I also don’t like to ask for help, but I say to myself, “if the situation were reversed, I would want that person to ask me for help. “

12:39:45     From  Rebecca Wild-Wesley : @Elaine C. There is a data base that you can enter your zip code and find local care managers. https://www.aginglifecare.org/. This is a private pay service, but a great resource.

12:39:47     From  Wendy Pachter : It would be good to have discussion group of people with disabilities that are not visible or conditions that are not easily understood.  It definitely makes aging solo more difficult in many ways.

12:40:08     From  Steve Gurney - ProAging Sourcebook : check out the story of this women we featured on this discussion with senior planet Older Adults Technology Services and Senior Planet https://www.retirementlivingsourcebook.com/videos?q=senior+planet

12:40:41     From  Catherine Turner   to   Hosts and panelists : Just foun the cc button-problem solved!

12:41:13     From  Anne-Marie Tywonek : Exactly! Find your Tribe :-)

12:41:39     From  Oren Kennedy   to   Hosts and panelists : NAMI was an excellent reference: https://nami.org/home

12:41:46     From  Joe Sperling : Challenges are opportunities!

12:42:23     From  Wendy Pachter : But some conditions are rare.  And diversity rather than tribalism can lead to creativity and synergy.

12:43:07     From  Steve Gurney - ProAging Sourcebook : From Oren Kennedy to All Panelists 12:41 PM

NAMI was an excellent reference: https://nami.org/home

12:43:10     From  Karen Dotson : Meetup groups for adults with Asperger's:  https://www.meetup.com/topics/adults-with-aspergers-syndrome/all/

12:43:22     From  Gail Crockett   to   Hosts and panelists : Arlene. I also love Senior Planet which has a ton of classes at seniorplanet.org. I go to lots of classes and learn a lot.

12:44:06     From  Carole Klawansky : My life involves eating only whole plant foods.  There are no retirement communities that address that need!

12:45:18     From  Dixcy Bosley : NORCs Naturally Occurring Retirement Communities   Wash DC is fully of wonderful apt buildings with mixed age/ ethnic families / accessibility /transportation

12:46:25     From  Arlene Polangin : Yes, a building near me is a NORC and also there are villages where you can connect.

12:47:24     From  Jacke Schroeder : As an elder abuse educator, my lens always views situations in all life domains for older adults through assessment of potential exploitation.  Private Equity Investment Firms are beginning to purchase Continuing Care Retirement Communities.  Explore carefully all contracts and commitments for how your money will be handled if the owners are one of those types of Firms.

12:48:01     From  Carole Klawansky : I've done lots of research.  The most any place offers is perhaps once a week or one meal a day option!

12:51:19     From  Anne-Marie Tywonek : I would love to see the topic of caregiver abuse vs elder abuse. There's lots of elder abuse (which is so sad that's its needed) but I've had to deal with emotional/psychological abuse from my parent so it's not just the 'patient' that can be abused but the other side of the equation.

12:51:27     From  Karen Dotson : https://www.vrg.org/seniors/senior_vegan.php

12:52:21     From  Steve Gurney - ProAging Sourcebook : I would love to have a discussion on elder abuse From Jacke Schroeder please reach out to steve@proaging.com and we can get it on the calendar!

12:52:44     From  eric weiss : thanks Mr Sperlng very difficult

12:53:32     From  Carole Klawansky : Thanks Karen.  I've used that resource.  I'm also SOS free (no sugar, oil and salt!)

12:54:32     From  Anne-Marie Tywonek : To be clear, I'd like to see abuse that the caregiver experiences be addressed on another call. LOL. We need Caregiver Abuse Educators/Supporters as job titles and job functions.

12:54:50     From  Margie Lidoff   to   Hosts and panelists : This is a great presentation. Thanks for it and for your supportive comments to me. Margie

12:56:18     From  Arlene Polangin : What's the GET| SET UP website

12:56:35     From  Carol Marak : Welcome to Solo and Smart. I’m Carol Marak, please contact me Carol@CarolMarak.com if you have questions. Here’s a link to my book on Amazon https://www.amazon.com/Carol--L.-Marak/e/B09TBFT9QY

12:56:56     From  Elaine C. : @Arlene, I just googled it, I think it is www.getsetup.io - ? ????

12:56:57     From  Carol Marak : Thank you all for joining the conversation.

12:57:08     From  Patricia Cresta Savage : Thank you it is great to speak to others in similar situations.

12:57:16     From  Elaine C. : Thank you so much Carol and Steve.

12:57:28     From  Rebecca Wild-Wesley : @Elaine C: using the care manager data base is free of charge; my sentence implied that there is a fee to search the data base. Sorry! aginglifecare.org

12:57:53     From  eric weiss : thanks for the meeting

12:57:58     From  Arlene Polangin : thanks Elaine

12:57:59     From  Anne-Marie Tywonek : Thank you both SO much. This is my first time on this platform but it won't be my last. Wow! Just Wow!  You guys rock!!!! LOL. Such important work. Thank you so much for using your passions for purpose. You're very inspiring to me!

12:58:03     From  Monna Lang   to   Hosts and panelists : Thank you so much!  Friendships of Reciprocity; Amen!

12:58:27     From  Arlene Polangin : how do we get the bookk?

12:58:28     From  Edwin Smith : For anyone who may be interested, I happened to have a session on getsetup.io today at 4:30 Pacific time on the topic of Livable Communities and Aging in Place. See www.getsetup.io/classes/embracing-elderhood/4tNF-hTFQ

12:58:45     From  Wendy Pachter : Carole, I eat as you do (Dr Fuhrman minus some foods).

12:59:18     From  Roberta Brooks : Carol , thank you for your book. Carol and Steve , thank you for your talk today. Thanks to everyone also for all the helpful links in the chat,

12:59:37     From  Carole Klawansky : Wendy, I'm 100% Nutritarian.  Where are you?

12:59:52     From  Anne-Marie Tywonek : The fact that I have felt SEEN today is just enormous for me. Thank you both and all here on the chat.

12:59:56     From  Wendy Pachter : Same plus food sensitivities

13:00:38     From  Steve Gurney - ProAging Sourcebook : GetSetUp is an online community of people who want to learn new skills, connect with others and unlock new life experiences. We believe older adults can do anything when they have the tools to discover, learn and connect. https://www.getsetup.io/

13:02:08     From  Anne-Marie Tywonek : Wow! Carole that's awesome!

13:02:16     From  Sonande Shah : Thank you!!!

13:02:19     From  Natalie Doyle   to   Hosts and panelists : Have you ever done a program on Neighborhood Villages? I joined the Arlington Neighborhood Village around 18 months ago and they were vital to me during covid.

13:02:24     From  Rebecca Wild-Wesley : Thank you. this has been great!

13:02:46     From  Carole Klawansky : Wendy, I'm in MD,  Are you local?

13:02:56     From  Wendy Pachter : DC

13:03:24     From  Carole Klawansky : How can I get in touch with you Wendy?

13:04:13     From  Wendy Pachter : May e through Steve?  Not comfortable w/sharing more on public transcript

13:04:24     From  Anne-Marie Tywonek : Sending lots of hugs to ERic

13:05:09     From  Anne-Marie Tywonek : I try to find the funny in my day every day

13:05:10     From  Carole Klawansky : I will try that.

13:05:40     From  Carol Marak : Carol Marak Carol@CarolMarak.com

13:05:46     From  Carole Klawansky : Wendy, are you a member on Dr. Fuhrman's website?

13:06:07     From  Carol Marak : Here’s a link to my book on Amazon https://www.amazon.com/Carol--L.-Marak/e/B09TBFT9QY

13:06:10     From  Steve Gurney - ProAging Sourcebook : https://carolmarak.com/index.html

13:06:30     From  Wendy Pachter : No but the office has my info bcz I order from them and have been to the office for consults

13:06:32     From  Steve Gurney - ProAging Sourcebook : BUY SOLO AND SMART https://carolmarak.com/solo-and-smart-book.html

13:07:11     From  Carole Klawansky : Wendy, they won't share that information.  Are you on any of the Nutritarian Facebook groups?

13:08:55     From  Anne-Marie Tywonek : OMG we need for parents like you, LOL.  That's what I'm learning is by observing and living my parent's mess, I'm adapting my next stage life plans so as not to leave my adult children what I've had to inherit (yes, it's a choice but not much of a choice when no one else can step up).

13:10:42     From  Jacke Schroeder : Thanks for a terrific conversation!  Steve, I remember you previously reached out to me to talk about elder abuse.  I'd be happy to do that sometime after June is over.  :-)jschroeder@associated.org

13:12:27     From  Jacke Schroeder : I need to hop off now.  Thanks again Carol for dedicating so much to creating your book, an essential guide that I look forward to reading.  Have a great day and stay well everyone!

13:13:47     From  Anne-Marie Tywonek : The USA is light years ahead of Canada on resources

13:14:23     From  Audrey Kremer : Maybe but Canada assisted living options are much cheaper--more govt funding

13:14:36     From  Carole Klawansky : Excellent meeting!

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