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Discussion with Steven Petrow the award-winning author of STUPID THINGS I WON'T DO WHEN I GET OLD

Montcordia invites you to join us for a discussion that will take a humorous, irreverent, and poignant look at the gifts, stereotypes, and inevitable challenges of aging Steven Petrow is an award-winning journalist and book author who is best known for his Washington Post and New York Times essays on aging, health, and civility. 

This special event is brought to you by Montcordia with support from the Positive Aging Community

Link to Podcast

Questions/Comments Answered in the Discussion

  • As I understand it, Hollywood has discovered the beaut;y of silver/gray/white hair.  I'm jealous. I am over 80, it doesn't look like I will ever get it.
  • You've mentioned that we older adults tend to participate in "organ recitals".  Can you speak to the downside of such discussions and how to diffuse them?
  • This book is a great resource for talks with our adult kids.  Have the conversations with them now, so we can clearly articulate what we want.  Saying things out loud, or even write them down into a contract!
  • there is a publication called "five wishes" that helps tell those you love what you want done as you age and how you want people to remember you
  • How can I invite Steven to speak to a future Zoom meeting with the group I lead in Arlington, TX (Ambassadors For Aging Well). 500+ members...
  • "Does Steven know anything about use of video for end of life issue planning and decision making
  • bob Hoffman"
  • Steve, what is your next book? Research?  Joys of aging well?
  • Thank you, Steve for sharing that you are in the midst of writing a new book.  In the meantime, love your articles.

Chat Transcript

12:05:32     From  Jency Suresh : Jency Suresh, Social Work intern, Housing Opportunities Commission, MD.

12:05:46     From  Ginger Doetsch : Please share the really useful info you shared before starting the video in an email to us.

12:06:23     From  Barbara Trainin Blank : Hi, all. I’m co-author of What to Do about Mama, two volumes about caring for aging (and other) family members. By Sunbury Press.

12:06:41     From  Steve Gurney - ProAging Sourcebook : Link to Stevens book on Amazon https://www.amazon.com/Stupid-Things-Wont-When-Unapologetically-ebook/dp/B08KL58Q4X?asin=B08KL58Q4X&revisionId=f8badb6a&format=1&depth=1

12:06:52     From  Barbara Trainin Blank : Sorry, left out name. Barbara Trainin Blank, an author-journalist.

12:07:00     From  Steve Gurney - ProAging Sourcebook : Jill Berkman

Business Development Manager


M: 240-517-5003 T: 240-331-5627


12:07:07     From  Steve Gurney - ProAging Sourcebook : Montcordia

12:07:52     From  Susan Blum : Susan Blum - soon  to be emeritus director of care management with Debra Levy Eldercare Associates - www.care-manager.com - 301-593-5285

12:07:58     From  Jasmin Linder : Great Job Jill !

12:08:07     From  Pam Phillips   to   Hosts and panelists : Fabulous Panelists and happy to be on this Webinar, Thank you Steve!

12:08:10     From  James Lerner : HI Jill! - It's Robin Lerner

12:08:17     From  Gwendolyn Lloyd : Hi Everyone  Gwen Lloyd Director of programs  from Senior Network of North Baltimore

12:08:18     From  Larissa Johnson : Larissa Johnson, MPA

Residential Energy Program Manager

Montgomery County Department of Environmental Protection


12:08:29     From  shayla Mitchell : Great job Jill & Montcordia!

12:08:41     From  Pam Phillips   to   Hosts and panelists : Pamela Phillips, Client Development Manager

12:08:58     From  Lori Wertz : lori.wertz@c21nm.com LOTS of Real Satisfied Testimonials on how I can get you and loved ones into and out of their precious life-long homes.  703.201.6523 Feel Better Steven!!!

12:09:02     From  Pam Phillips   to   Hosts and panelists : Home instead - pamela.phillips@homeinstead.com

12:09:12     From  Cindy Kardeman : hi everyone, Cindy from Dave Reynolds and Associates, LLC, Personal fitness specialists.

12:09:15     From  Steve Gurney - ProAging Sourcebook : From Pam Phillips to All Panelists 12:09 PM

Home instead - pamela.phillips@homeinstead.com

12:09:29     From  Ruth DeHart : Ruth DeHart...helping organizations transform the 50+ consumer experience.

12:09:33     From  Steve Lahn : Great name :)

12:09:40     From  Steve Gurney - ProAging Sourcebook : From Pam Phillips to All Panelists 12:08 PM

Fabulous Panelists and happy to be on this Webinar, Thank you Steve!

12:10:04     From  Elva Roy : Hello from Arlington, Texas. Elva Roy, Ambassadors For Aging Well.org

12:10:13     From  Steve Gurney - ProAging Sourcebook : From Christy MacCormack to All Panelists 12:02 PM

Good afternoon, Christy MacCormack, Naborforce.

12:10:24     From  Leesa Ackermann : Leesa Ackermann from Indiana, owner of Health Advocate Professionals LLC. I’m a care manager, legal guardian, trustee, health advocate, etc.

12:10:32     From  Jessica Bittner : Hello Everyone,

12:10:35     From  Steve Gurney - ProAging Sourcebook : From Teresa Funkhouser to All Panelists 12:03 PM

Teresa Funkhouser, Shenandoah County Parks & Recreation, Woodstock, VA - Senior Program Supervisor

12:10:39     From  Bonnie Barrella : Hi everyone...This is Bonnie Barrella, Director of Sales and Marketing at The Residences at Thomas Circle... Thank you Steve and Jill and it is so nice to see both of you, though virtual

12:10:43     From  Steve Jakubowski : Hi Everyone! Steve Jakubowski, a Chartered Retirement Plan Counselor and Financial Advisor with Edward Jones based in Gaithersburg and Rockville. I work with people and their families through their retirement years. Steve.jakubowski@edwardjones.com, 301-803-9531.

12:10:56     From  Jennifer Late : Jennifer Late, Lifecare Affordability Plan, jlate@seia.com

12:11:01     From  Lori Wertz   to   Hosts and panelists : Cindy and Dave, where are you located?

12:11:17     From  Steve Gurney - ProAging Sourcebook : From Lori Wertz to All Panelists 12:11 PM

Cindy and Dave, where are you located?

12:11:20     From  Rebekah Goetz : Rebekah Goetz, VP Montcordia. rebekah.goetz@montcordia.com  cell: 703.431.8243 office: 240.331.5627

12:12:19     From  Ginger Doetsch : There is no way for us to copy and paste all the rich information in the chat. Will it be sent to us along with the VIDEO LINK for this great presentation?

12:12:20     From  Allyson Stanton   to   Hosts and panelists : Allyson Stanton, aging life care manager, stantonagingsolutions.com  443-812-1028

12:12:24     From  Mary Williams : Wouldn't you love to interview some Russians for their insight and input!  I wonder if it would be a lot different from what you've gathered here.

12:12:35     From  Mark Sargent : Mark Sargent

12:12:45     From  shoaleh Alai   to   Hosts and panelists : Hi Jill and Steve, thanks for this webinar.

Shoaleh at Fox Hill


12:12:56     From  Cindy Kardeman : Dave Reynolds and Associates is located in Silver Spring. We provide group exercise classes for older adults as well as personal training

12:13:09     From  Steve Gurney - ProAging Sourcebook : Hi Jill and Steve, thanks for this webinar.

Shoaleh at Fox Hill


12:13:10     From  Kathleen Weber : Hi, Mark,

12:13:32     From  Cindy Kardeman : my email is draftiness@comcast.net or office number: 301-439-3274

12:13:57     From  ellen sirkis : Ellen Sirkis, Bereavement Facilitator, Caring Matters, Inc. Non-Medical Hospice serving Mont. Co. for over 30 years.

12:14:50     From  Jessica Bittner : Jessica Bittner from Partners In Care with programs available in Frederick and Washington County for 60 + adults.  Looking for volunteers if anyone knows anybody in these counties in Maryland

12:15:27     From  Mary Williams : For Kind Unlimited subscribers, I'm happy to see our wonderful book for today is listed on the set of books available to us subscribers.

12:15:58     From  Robin Mooney : Robin Mooney, Exec Dir, Home With You Senior Care - 410-756-0959   Providing inhome care, non-medical.

12:16:55     From  Christy MacCormack   to   Hosts and panelists : Boy, can I relate to the hearing aide debacle!

12:16:56     From  Barbara Trainin Blank   to   Hosts and panelists : I recently used your column on hearing aids for a newsletter I write. So thank you.

12:20:06     From  James Lerner : Hi Steven!!

12:20:55     From  David Slupe : David Slupe - Director at Aging Consultants Group & Financial Planner at Pegasus Financial Group ••• dslupe@agingconsultantsgroup.com ••• We assist clients and bring clarity by merging care planning with financial planning through education, preparation, and coordination.

12:22:04     From  Mary Williams : I'm a double spacer too.  It makes it easier to read!

12:22:31     From  Kenneth Reichardt : Yes, some habits are hard to change LOL

12:22:42     From  Ruth Percival   to   Hosts and panelists : No!  I refuse to use one space! ????

12:23:03     From  Sharon Rose : Good one! I am a double-spacer, too.  Nice that computers do it for us now.

12:23:29     From  Sharon Rose : T-shirt good idea...Boomer and happy about it :)

12:23:41     From  Elva Roy : The problem with double spacer is if you want it to be published, it all has to be corrected to single space after a period. LOL.

12:24:06     From  Poppy Foddrell : amen to that!!!

12:24:30     From  Lori Wertz : I love the multi generational friends comment.  In addition to being a Realtor, I teach an aquatic fitness class the entire 16 year career and love it!!!

12:24:45     From  Joe Sperling : Not passing up a urinal is one of the 3 rules of getting older.

12:24:57     From  Lori Wertz : lol

12:25:47     From  Gwendolyn Lloyd : I Love it... I make sure I use the bathroom if I come across one in my travels ...its like a safety blanket now!

12:25:55     From  Sharon Rose : Ageism being tackled by WHO with Decade of Healthy Ageing, 2020-2030.

12:26:29     From  Steve Lahn : I am guilty of double spacing taught to me in my high school typing class ????

12:26:59     From  Elva Roy : One interesting trend is young women who are coloring their hair gray. Interesting, eh?

12:27:03     From  Deborah Dougherty : start with stating your age not hiding it.

12:27:31     From  Joe Sperling : Many older actresses have white or gray hair and look fab!

12:27:56     From  Janet Wright : Gray is the new blonde!

12:28:13     From  Julia Williams : My 40something girlfriend let her gray grow out during the pandemic and has kept it :)

12:28:33     From  Joe Sperling : Age is just a number...and mine is unlisted.

12:28:54     From  Steve Lahn : ????

12:28:55     From  Aileen Klein : Any idea why I cannot copy and of these texts?

12:29:00     From  Robin Mooney : Happy to bring on each new year!

12:29:48     From  Steve Gurney - ProAging Sourcebook : Hi folks we will have a copy of all the chat messages and recordings posted this afternoon at https://www.retirementlivingsourcebook.com/digital-discussions

12:30:18     From  Aileen Klein : Thank you so much!!

12:30:27     From  Paula Osborne : I love the idea of being older, it beats the alternative, so the aches and pains I welcome and the process is hard at times, but I accept it

12:31:50     From  Christy MacCormack : Haha!

12:31:59     From  Lori Wertz : AMEN

12:32:22     From  Steve Lahn : Unfortunately these conversations happen with those of us in our 40s and 50s let alone in the older generation

12:33:10     From  Steve Lahn : YUP!

12:33:21     From  Sharon Rose : Slowly, products are showing age-related, healthy older adults happily using useful products.  Also, technology devices are expanding to customize tech to lifestyle choices and activities!

12:33:30     From  Cheryl Calvert : many of my friends seem to have nothing else to talk about...

12:33:49     From  ellen sirkis : My post cancer mantra " I have some problems but I am alive to bitch about them"

12:34:26     From  Steve Lahn : Bravo Ellen!

12:34:45     From  ellen sirkis   to   Hosts and panelists : Thank you and congratulations to all of us who made it and are thriving.

12:34:55     From  Deborah Barbara : Aging and sickness- too often I am hearing my issues are related to age. So the medical profession seems to stop there. How do I know what is age and what is sickness?

12:35:59     From  KAREN DUDLEY : I accept the process of aging like that fine glass of wine, whiskey, or well aging cheese.  Even when the bones in my body remind me I'm in my 50's.

12:36:05     From  Joe Sperling : Bright red shiny new super stock Dodge?

12:36:06     From  Lori Wertz : As I listen/watch this, I have a bag of frozen vegs on my elevated right knee.  (I'm ONLY 59)!

12:36:53     From  Steve Lahn : Long Island DMV seems to be very responsive on things like this

12:37:44     From  Joe Sperling : Cars represent freedom.

12:38:25     From  Susan Blum : It is so hard for people to give up driving, as it is so connected to our sense of independence. If there are cognitive deficits, that adds to the difficulty of families to address this issue.

12:38:45     From  Steve Lahn : So True Susan

12:38:45     From  Bonnie Barrella : Driving is the last freedom an individual wants to give up!

12:38:55     From  Linda Newsum : Had a client who went into major depression after being forced to stop driving.  It's horrible to have your wings clipped.

12:39:22     From  Roberta Comer : A blessing of sorts - My dad (with Alzheimers) was hit by another car and his car was totaled, so we insisted that he cannot buy another. Still very difficult. Unfortunately, his elderly "girlfriend" let him drive her car.

12:39:37     From  Mike P : We had a similar problem - our mother would not listen to her children - what got her attention was when her doctor discussed the issue with her.

12:39:47     From  Kitty Russell : my 102 year old aunt uses an umbrella instead of a cane.

12:39:53     From  Lori Wertz : change and transition is hard at every age, it takes practice and preparation by the individual to realize it is for them to maintain and be independent.

12:39:58     From  Cindy Kardeman : It's hard to watch each piece of independence slip away.....

12:40:04     From  Kathleen McGuinness   to   Hosts and panelists : HI Jill & Steve!    nice program!

12:40:12     From  Christy MacCormack : I agree Joe, cars do represent freedom! Taking the keys away is a painful necessity. The song Freebird comes to mind. Ha!

12:41:13     From  Karen Dotson : In the future when cars drive themselves, this will be a non-issue - haha

12:41:38     From  Paula Osborne : Funny story short....My mom is 85, still driving, I asked her to start taking uber/lyft to her doctor  appointments to cut down on driving, when she got back, she said to me, and you want me to stop driving, after going on that trip with the young driver, she almost killed me, so I will continue to drive from now on, I drive better!

12:43:29     From  Christy MacCormack : In the beginning of your parent having dementia, you are in a denial of sorts that they are not their old self. Amen?

12:44:21     From  Joe Sperling : Dementia is an absolute bitch.  Empathy is SOOOO vital.

12:45:03     From  Susan Blum : We have to understand that dementia is a brain disease. Tam Cummings book, Untangling Alzheimer's, is a great help to families trying to and understand their parents with dementia.

12:45:18     From  Kenneth Reichardt : Definitely write it down so ALL loved ones get the same information

12:45:54     From  Dixcy Bosley   to   Hosts and panelists : Teepa Snow OT is a Dementia Whisperer

12:46:28     From  Steve Gurney - ProAging Sourcebook : Virtual Dementia Tour®️ https://www.secondwind.org/virtual-dementia-tourreg.html

12:46:43     From  Leesa Ackermann : I want to suggest that you do not have to choose your adult children as your POA, healthcare rep, or make any decisions on your behalf. You need to feel empowered to choose someone you trust who will honor your wishes and your belongings.

12:47:04     From  Ginger Doetsch : Please add a brief description of the Virtual Dementia Tour

12:48:15     From  Joe Sperling : Writing one's own obit is intriguing.  Who knows us better than ourselves.

12:48:16     From  Steve Lahn : We know the legal and medical stuff that we NEED to do, but how many actually are proactive and do it?

12:48:30     From  Karen Dotson : I once knew an independent woman who wrote her obituary in the first person.  First time I ever saw something like that and it was SO her!  Loved it!

12:48:39     From  BOB HOFFMAN   to   Hosts and panelists : there are many web sites that can provide ideas on how to write your own obituary

12:49:03     From  Christy MacCormack : I think I’d like my friends to write my eulogy! But could turn into a roast. :)

12:49:07     From  Elva Roy : Ginger, the virtual dementia tour includes putting on goggles to reduce vision, earphones to diminish hearing, gloves to make it harder to use your hands, etc. Then you're given some assignments in rapid order that you're supposed to remember and do them in order. Very challenging.

12:49:20     From  Steve Gurney - ProAging Sourcebook : https://www.washingtonpost.com/02147fde-064e-11ea-8292-c46ee8cb3dce_story.html

12:49:38     From  ellen sirkis : We all can write our own legacy letters, our values to pass on.Start with your basics and the rest will come easily.

12:49:50     From  Joe Sperling : WE NEED MORE TIME WITH STEVEN!

12:50:02     From  Joe Sperling : Bring him back.

12:50:08     From  James Lerner : Thank you Steven! Great to see you Jill!

12:50:43     From  Ginger Doetsch : Please also share good stuff in the Q&A that is not in the CHAT.

12:50:44     From  iPhone   to   Hosts and panelists : Great presentation. Thank you

12:52:11     From  Joe Sperling : Too soon old, too late smart.

12:52:40     From  Paula Osborne : Joe, that is what I was just thinking

12:53:18     From  Steve Jefferys   to   Hosts and panelists : I have my clients fill out an “Aging & Driving” and “Diminished Capacity” forms that they we can discuss with their family/trusted contacts. Steve Jefferys - Arch Financial Advisors www.archfinancialadvisors.com

12:53:31     From  Sharon Rose : #Elllen, there are websites for legacy letters as well as writers who will work with the person to write the legacy.  Also, it can start early in life with starting and continuing family Zoom calls and one-on-ones with grandchildren to share experiences about growing up.  Also, it can be a valuable time for grandparents and grandchildren to have their own time with out the adult child.  Here they can exchange learning, innovations, technology, activities, etc. with the older adult learning from the grandchild and vica versa.  All good!

12:54:07     From  Christy MacCormack : Steven, I am ordering your book! Thank you so much for your amazing insights!

12:54:21     From  Steven Petrow   to   Hosts and panelists : sp@stevenpetrow.com

12:54:24     From  Jan Brito : Reading the book now and really enjoying it

12:54:41     From  ellen sirkis : Thank you for sharing all of this with everyone;just getting started is the only difficult part and these resources make it easy.


12:55:29     From  ellen sirkis   to   Hosts and panelists : ellensirkis@gmail.com

12:55:36     From  Barbara Trainin Blank   to   Hosts and panelists : Please send me Steven Petrow’s email. Thanks. Barbara Trainin Blank.

12:55:39     From  Mary Williams : Now I totally want the hologram

12:56:04     From  Elva Roy : Diane Rehm, NPR talk show host (previous), recorded her conversation with her grandson so there is no question about what she wanted at end of life (to avoid how her husband had to die using VSED).

12:56:16     From  Dixcy Bosley   to   Hosts and panelists : It is also critical to assure our elders that we will advocate fiercely on their behalf so that their final months/ years will not have to endure over treatment. This brings them comfort they deserve snd a gift we can give them

12:56:16     From  Steve Lahn : Holograms or videos weve seen in the movies!  Avenger's Endgame, Brewster's Millions ????

12:57:31     From  Steve Lahn : It is a darn good name

12:57:59     From  Ruth DeHart   to   Hosts and panelists : This was a wise and powerful session. Starting my own list as I listened.  Thank you.

12:58:30     From  Kathryn Parker Martin   to   Hosts and panelists : Thank you for this special topic...using our lessons learned from dealing with loved ones from the older generation, we baby boomers need to plan how to be less burdensome in the future...and the humor is appreciated

12:58:42     From  Steve Gurney - ProAging Sourcebook : From Ruth DeHart to All Panelists 12:57 PM

This was a wise and powerful session. Starting my own list as I listened.  Thank you.

From Kathryn Parker Martin to All Panelists 12:58 PM

Thank you for this special topic...using our lessons learned from dealing with loved ones from the older generation, we baby boomers need to plan how to be less burdensome in the future...and the humor is appreciated

12:58:52     From  Gwendolyn Lloyd : Thank you so much Steve, Jill, and Steven for this most valuable information. its been fun and very inspiring! I don't feel so bad about peeing so much now. lol!

12:59:02     From  Pam Phillips   to   Hosts and panelists : Is 5 Wishes from https://fivewishes.org/five-wishes/individuals-families/individuals-and-families allowed in the State of VA?  I plan on using this with my clients, but want it to be something that can be easily helpful with advanced planning documents being completed with this document.  Do you have knowledge of this?  Thank you all so very much!  Pam Phillips

12:59:14     From  Steve Gurney - ProAging Sourcebook : From Gwendolyn Lloyd to Everyone 12:58 PM

Thank you so much Steve, Jill, and Steven for this most valuable information. its been fun and very inspiring! I don't feel so bad about peeing so much now. lol!

From Pam Phillips to All Panelists 12:59 PM

Is 5 Wishes from https://fivewishes.org/five-wishes/individuals-families/individuals-and-families allowed in the State of VA?  I plan on using this with my clients, but want it to be something that can be easily helpful with advanced planning documents being completed with this document.  Do you have knowledge of this?  Thank you all so very much!  Pam Phillips

12:59:26     From  Steve Gurney - ProAging Sourcebook : buy the book at https://www.amazon.com/Stupid-Things-Wont-When-Unapologetically-ebook/dp/B08KL58Q4X?asin=B08KL58Q4X&revisionId=f8badb6a&format=1&depth=1

12:59:26     From  Steve Jakubowski : Hi everyone, I recommend people check out this great report too. "The Four Pillars of Retirement." https://agewave.com/the-four-pillars-of-the-new-retirement/

12:59:31     From  Sharon Rose : Thank you Steve P, Steve G and Jill!

12:59:37     From  Christy MacCormack : Steve, can we get signed stickers from you to put in our books?

12:59:39     From  Renee Groban   to   Hosts and panelists : Thank you for this wonderful webinar!  Thoroughly enjoyed and going to purchase your book.

12:59:50     From  Erin Nesbitt : Wonderful discussion!  Thank you

12:59:52     From  Jency Suresh : Thank you all!

12:59:56     From  Leslie Clarke : Thank you so much Steve, Jill, and Steven!

12:59:56     From  Gwen Jones : Thank you!

12:59:58     From  Susan Blum : This was a great presentation.

12:59:58     From  Paula Osborne : Thank you!

13:00:02     From  Leesa Ackermann : Thank you!

13:00:03     From  Christy MacCormack : Thank you so much!

13:00:04     From  Amy Ojeifo   to   Hosts and panelists : Thank you!! This has been great!

13:00:04     From  Keri Pollock   to   Hosts and panelists : Thank you!


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