Live & Interactive Discussion on the Expectations & Realities of Caregiving

Discussion with Barbara Matthews and Barbara Tranin-Blank, co-authors of: What To Do About Mama? Offers guidance to present and future caregivers—based on the pragmatic and emotional “real-life” experiences of the co-authors and other caregivers who have openly and honestly shared their challenges, their heartaches, and their joys in caregiving. It isn't a book by "experts," but by regular people in the trenches—people like you. 

Chat Transcript

12:06:43     From  Mary Schuett   to   All panelists : i  cannot hear you

12:07:11     From  Mary Schuett   to   All panelists : good now

12:11:57     From  Lori Miller   to   All panelists : It is a big role reversal when the child becomes the caregiver. I'm struggling with that currently. My mother came to live with my family and I'm still working a FT (demanding) job. It's difficult and not sustainable for me to do both.

12:16:05     From  Adriana Carr   to   All panelists : Good afternoon. I am Adriana Carr - Senior Life Enrichment Consultants - non-medical personal care with a focus on Life Enrichment - I am a Certified Dementia Practitioner and am certified in the Montessori Approach to dementia care.

12:16:29     From  Steve Gurney - ProAging Sourcebook : From Adriana Carr to All Panelists:  12:16 PM

Good afternoon. I am Adriana Carr - Senior Life Enrichment Consultants - non-medical personal care with a focus on Life Enrichment - I am a Certified Dementia Practitioner and am certified in the Montessori Approach to dementia care.

12:16:37     From  Lori Miller   to   All panelists : Thank you! I find myself swinging between sadness, anger, frustration, joy, … you get the picture.

12:17:40     From  Lori Miller   to   All panelists : Related to dementia, attendees may be interested in a new podcast, Shaping Dementia Environments. You can find it on your favorite podcast site. Hosts interview providers, policy makers, and designers, and I thought there was much to learn from the perspective of living or caring for someone with dementia.

12:17:43     From  Robert Coulson   to   All panelists : Adriana, pls plug in contact imfo.

12:18:03     From  ABIOLA BAJERE : Good afternoon everyone!  Abbey here, from the Department of social services.

12:18:05     From  Steve Gurney - ProAging Sourcebook : From Lori - Related to dementia, attendees may be interested in a new podcast, Shaping Dementia Environments. You can find it on your favorite podcast site. Hosts interview providers, policy makers, and designers, and I thought there was much to learn from the perspective of living or caring for someone with dementia.

12:19:26     From  Lori Miller   to   All panelists : My mother, also, swings from happiness to depression. How did you talk with your parents about this stage of life?

12:20:13     From  Robin Mooney   to   All panelists : Good afternoon, Everyone!  Lori you are right, it is very difficult to be the family member and the caregiver.  Robin Mooney, Exec. Dir. Home With You Senior Care.  Please call or visit our website - 410-756-0959 http://homewithyou.net

12:21:36     From  Steve Gurney - ProAging Sourcebook : From Robin Mooney to All Panelists:  12:20 PM

Good afternoon, Everyone!  Lori you are right, it is very difficult to be the family member and the caregiver.  Robin Mooney, Exec. Dir. Home With You Senior Care.  Please call or visit our website - 410-756-0959 http://homewithyou.net

12:24:36     From  Ada Horsfall Lifematters   to   All panelists : Looking to hire a self-motivated independent Care Manager in MD/DC & VA.                                 

Ada Horsfall (MBA, MHA, MD), Director of Care Management at Lifematters. 301-615-0616 ahorsfall@lifemattersusa.com Lifematters is a home care providing care management, homecare and social engagement concierge services in DC, MD & VA for seniors and adult children. Looking to hire a self-motivated care manager.

12:25:32     From  Victoria Robinson   to   All panelists : Feeling both sad & mad at the same time: totally true!  I encourage communication with other family members --SAME TIME (like Zoom or group phone calls) so everybody gets the same info simulateously (not just about medical issues, but also legal/financial/housing concerns.)

12:25:42     From  Steve Gurney - ProAging Sourcebook : Here is a link on amazon you can preview it https://www.amazon.com/What-About-Mama-Expectations-Caregiving-ebook/dp/B087M116C7

12:27:03     From  Melissa Bressler : Thank you for sharing! Melissa Bressler - Outreach Manager at HandyPro of Washington DC Metropolitan and occupational therapist We are a construction company specializing in home modifications for seniors and all persons with accessibility and safety concerns compromising participation and independence at home. 301-960-9830 / melissa@handypro.com

12:27:07     From  Kitty Russell   to   All panelists : Any comments about family battles, avoidance, issues with putting a loved one in a facility???

12:27:09     From  Georgette Lake : Hello, Georgette Lake with Tribute at Black Hill Assisted Living and Memory Care.  We are in Germantown, MD.  We are offering a $2,000 referral incentive, contact me at georgette.lake@tributeatblackhill.com from more info.

12:27:57     From  Steve Gurney - ProAging Sourcebook : From Ada Horsfall Lifematters to All Panelists:  12:24 PM

Looking to hire a self-motivated independent Care Manager in MD/DC & VA.                                 

Ada Horsfall (MBA, MHA, MD), Director of Care Management at Lifematters. 301-615-0616 ahorsfall@lifemattersusa.com Lifematters is a home care providing care management, homecare and social engagement concierge services in DC, MD & VA for seniors and adult children. Looking to hire a self-motivated care manager.

12:28:01     From  Georgette Lake : We are having a brunch and bachata event tomorrow at Tribute at Black Hill from 12pm to 2pm.  Please contact we if you would like to attend,

12:28:38     From  Victoria Robinson   to   All panelists : I was caregiver for both parents & my husb (who was home with Alzheimer's for 6 yrs). But I'm also a prof. organizer & senior specialists helping folks downsize & move.  So LOTS of times I learn more about the seniors' lives than even their 'kids' know. Geriatric CareMgers can be helpful.

12:29:54     From  Lori Miller   to   All panelists : Yes, I'm dealing w/ the doctor issue along w/ the caregiving. She only lived about 1.5 hour away, so that's helpful. I almost feel like there are two primary paths: senior living or home health care.

12:31:07     From  Steve Gurney - ProAging Sourcebook : From Victoria Robinson to All Panelists:  12:28 PM

I was caregiver for both parents & my husb (who was home with Alzheimer's for 6 yrs). But I'm also a prof. organizer & senior specialists helping folks downsize & move.  So LOTS of times I learn more about the seniors' lives than even their 'kids' know. Geriatric CareMgers can be helpful.

12:34:12     From  Lori Miller   to   All panelists : Barbara M, I found your blog which is great. Here's the link for others: https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/7745137.Barbara_G_Matthews/blog

12:37:06     From  Steve Gurney - ProAging Sourcebook : From Lori Miller to All Panelists:  12:34 PM

Barbara M, I found your blog which is great. Here's the link for others: https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/7745137.Barbara_G_Matthews/blog

12:40:32     From  Steve Gurney - ProAging Sourcebook : https://www.retirementlivingsourcebook.com/events/solo-aging-live-and-interactive-discussion

12:41:28     From  Lori Miller : Interestingly, besides the physical and emotional caregiving, we find ourselves dealing w/ the financial issues, monthly bills, homes and or rental homes, etc. It's a lot! I think I need to delegate to my siblings, for sure. Great reminder that I don't have to do it all.

12:42:22     From  Keisha Toussaint Mc Mayo : Good afternoon everyone 

Keisha Toussaint Mc Mayo

Family Support Worker II 

Prince George’s Department of Social Services 

Keisha.toussaint@maryland.gov

12:42:45     From  Keisha Toussaint Mc Mayo : Agreed with you Lori

12:43:28     From  Lori Miller : I've gotta buy the book! This is helpful. So glad I joined.

12:44:33     From  Keisha Toussaint Mc Mayo : Thanks that will be great.

12:44:40     From  Robert Coulson   to   All panelists : FYI Resource - Digital Essentials for Caregiving

Hello friends! Due to popular demand, Senior Planet is offering new sessions of Digital Essentials, a virtual course designed specifically for  caregivers age 60+ and recipients of care. In this free, 6-week virtual course, you will learn how digital tools and platforms can make everyday tasks easier. Sessions begin on August 9th and 10th, and registration is now open!

Learn more and reserve your spot by August 5th at seniorplanet.org/caregiving. If you know of any older adult caregivers who might benefit from this course, feel free to spread the word!

12:44:48     From  ABIOLA BAJERE : Yes Lori.  We can't do it all.  Sometimes we need to delegate someone to assist.

12:45:01     From  Steve Gurney - ProAging Sourcebook : From Robert Coulson to All Panelists:  12:44 PM

FYI Resource - Digital Essentials for Caregiving

Hello friends! Due to popular demand, Senior Planet is offering new sessions of Digital Essentials, a virtual course designed specifically for  caregivers age 60+ and recipients of care. In this free, 6-week virtual course, you will learn how digital tools and platforms can make everyday tasks easier. Sessions begin on August 9th and 10th, and registration is now open!

Learn more and reserve your spot by August 5th at seniorplanet.org/caregiving. If you know of any older adult caregivers who might benefit from this course, feel free to spread the word!

12:45:36     From  Steve Gurney - ProAging Sourcebook : Adriana Carr 12:43 PM 

Another source for family caregivers is Working Daughter - Based on a book for daughters who cared for their parents, had careers and had to care for her parents it has grown to an online community for all adult children and sandwich generation members.

12:45:53     From  Lisa Smith   to   All panelists : In response to the last situation Steve detailed, getting familiar with and obtaining MetroAccess can be very helpful.  We have a phenomenal resource in MetroAccess paratransit in the metro DC area.

12:45:54     From  Keisha Toussaint Mc Mayo : Correct Abiola, but some siblings are just not interested in helping at all.

12:46:03     From  Steve Gurney - ProAging Sourcebook : Link to working daughter https://workingdaughter.com/

12:47:22     From  Keisha Toussaint Mc Mayo : Yes next door is great for information

12:48:49     From  ABIOLA BAJERE : Yes Keisha and that makes it overwhelming for the person been assigned by the parents as the POA especially for both medical and financial decisions.

12:48:57     From  Steve Gurney - ProAging Sourcebook : Jennifer Late 12:48 PM 

Steve, https://www.daughterhood.org/ is another caregiver group with chapters all over the USA

12:50:09     From  Keisha Toussaint Mc Mayo : Agreed Abiola, very hard.

12:50:47     From  Lori Miller : You're right, Barbara, mostly people do not want to face death and all the issues that arise around it. Some feel we should treat death as we treat birth, with celebration. For sure, we have to be open to the transition from fully independent to a period where we need help from others.

12:53:21     From  Robert Coulson   to   All panelists : Death cafes are safe spaces to talk about death https://deathcafe.com/

12:54:18     From  ALICIA ROSENFELD   to   All panelists : I caught my moms LTC policy under papers on the dining room table - as the final notice was about to expire I paid it in full and had I not we wouldn't have been able to keep mom at home.

12:57:20     From  Steve Gurney - ProAging Sourcebook : From Robert Coulson to All Panelists:  12:53 PM

Death cafes are safe spaces to talk about death https://deathcafe.com/

12:57:51     From  Victoria Hathaway   to   All panelists : It’s a big bucket of cold water to be taught that “older adults ARE free to make folly.” I love pulling in Care Managers for families due to their ability to provide actual therapy and intervention to families struggling with these issues.

12:59:38     From  Hugh Scoggins   to   All panelists : My Mother is 103.5 and I am going through all of what each of you are talking about now

13:00:27     From  Kitty Russell   to   All panelists : Thank you. Excellent topic and presentation and questions and answers!

13:00:45     From  Robert Coulson   to   All panelists : Very well done!

13:00:56     From  Yvette Stevenson : Thank you so much

13:01:06     From  Lori Miller : Thank you all!  Fruitful conversation and links.

13:01:23     From  ABIOLA BAJERE : Thank you Steve and the two Barbaras