Let's Talk About Death (Over Dinner) + Death Cafe

This was a planned discussion with Michael Hebb Author of Let's Talk about Death (over Dinner): An Invitation and Guide to Life's Most Important Conversation and Co-Founder of Death Over Dinner  Death Over Dinner has been one of the most effective end-of-life awareness campaigns to date; and has provided the framework and inspiration for more than a million dinners focused on having these end-of-life conversations.

Unfortunately Michael had a last minute emergency that prevented him attending (he is excited about scheduling a follow up).

This discussion was led by Steve Gurney of the Positive Aging Community.  Steve shared the steps he took to host a Let's Have Dinner and Talk About Death Dinner Party.  Steve walked through the steps of signing up, inviting guests and the prompts and conversations he used at the dinner.  

As a special bonus Jason Popko, who hosts regular Death Cafe's in Berkley, CA shared information about the Death Cafe Movement and how his meetings help stimulate conservations on the end of life topic.

Resources:

• Let's Have Dinner and Talk About Death https://deathoverdinner.org/
• Book: Let's Talk about Death (over Dinner): An Invitation and Guide to Life's Most Important Conversation https://a.co/d/3sQCAGO
• Death Cafe https://deathcafe.com/
• Death Over Dinner Script Gurney Used.pdf

Listen on your favorite Podcast Network

Chat Transcript

12:07:27     From  Jacke Schroeder : I've done this before and LOVE that you're going to go for doing it here, live!!  SO AWESOME, Steve!!

12:10:14     From  Steve Gurney - ProAging Community : Caregivers of people with dementia wanted for short phone or zoom survey https://www.retirementlivingsourcebook.com/proagingnews/caregivers-of-people-with-dementia-wanted-for-short-phone-or-zoom-survey

12:10:25     From  Jeannette Hand : I am having issues with the audio.  It keeps going out

12:10:36     From  Steve Gurney - ProAging Community : Louis@homesrenewedventures.com

12:11:06     From  Elva Roy : The group I lead in Arlington, TX, "Ambassadors For Aging Well," has been advocating for the City to modify its Building Code to require new residential construction to have (1) a no-step entrance; (2) 36" wide doorways and hallways so wheelchair can pass; (3) a bathroom on the main floor.

12:12:29     From  emily kearns : Do you pay interviewees?

12:12:34     From  Jeannette Hand : my audio is not working well, hopping off the webinare now

12:14:36     From  Elva Roy : I have hosted one "Death Over Dinner" event and also a "Death Café" event.

12:14:46     From  Steve Gurney - ProAging Community : https://deathoverdinner.org/

12:16:18     From  Patrick Downey   to   Hosts and panelists : just seeing black screen

12:17:31     From  louis Tenenbaum   to   Hosts and panelists : HomesRenewed Ventures (“HRV”) is a technology company funded by the National Institutes on Aging devoted to helping older Americans age in place. Our mission is to improve the safety, accessibility, comfort, affordability, and security of housing for an expanding senior population with increased longevity. 

We are seeking caregivers of people with dementia (PWD) for short phone or zoom interviews about household conditions and caregiving.  We want to talk to caregivers who live in the home with the PWD and those who do not.

12:17:36     From  Jacke Schroeder : i see it

12:17:49     From  Joan Green   to   Hosts and panelists : I’ve been seeing the shared screen the entire time????

12:17:53     From  Arlene Polangin : I saw it before as well as now

12:18:21     From  louis Tenenbaum   to   Hosts and panelists : Please contact me with questions or to participate.  Thanks                         Louis@homesrenewedventures.com

12:21:49     From  Allyson Stanton   to   Hosts and panelists : I love that beginning!

12:22:35     From  Louis Tenenbaum   to   Hosts and panelists : The photo next to Steve is not Louis Tenenbaum.  Louis is my business partner and we’re on the same zoom account. Zoom is confused and put up my photo instead of his! :-)  Susan Kimmel

12:23:19     From  emily kearns : my parents lived with dementia.  It changed my life and pivoted my career.  It was a crucible journey that was transformative. I honor them...and the journey with living and dying.

12:23:44     From  Deb Merriner : Honoring my mom who died 15 years ago today.  Wish I had known then what I know now about better ways to support her during her dying days.

12:24:01     From  Shari True   to   Hosts and panelists : My mom - lived with dementia for four years and spent the last 2.5 years in a memory care community.

12:24:18     From  Jacke Schroeder : I want to acknowledge my Bubba Ida.  She had 11 children and a big kitchen with a sofa/day bed in it and lots of chairs everywhere.  There was always a big black Russian bread she would "saw" and cover slices with real butter!

12:24:38     From  Elva Roy : This will be a good activity to do at my family reunion in May 2024.

12:24:40     From  Steve Gurney - ProAging Community : From Shari True to All Panelists 12:24 PM

My mom - lived with dementia for four years and spent the last 2.5 years in a memory care community.

12:25:39     From  Arlene Polangin : My grandparents from Mlynov, Eukraine/Russia.  We have recently done a 500 page book going through the family.  A cousin undertook this project.  We meet monthly to discuss parts of book.

12:25:57     From  Jacke Schroeder : Would you be willing to share your document, Steve?

12:26:13     From  paula david : Both sets of grandparents who I am getting to know better now as I spend more time caring for my parents. My parents were both exceptional caregivers but I have many more resources then they had. :)

12:26:19     From  emily kearns : See  document, 5 Wishes.

12:26:50     From  emily kearns : https://www.fivewishes.org/

12:26:59     From  Gary Wederspahn : I hope that you're aware of The Good Death Society Blog. It's a handy resource for you with many short, reader-friendly articles on virtually all aspects of the desire for a "Good Death." The archive contains dozens of blog posts that can be easily accessed by category, shared with loved ones and discussed. Please see  https://www.thegooddeathsocietyblog.net/

12:27:45     From  Elva Roy : Gary, agree 100% about The Good Death Society blog.

12:29:02     From  Jason Popko   to   Hosts and panelists : Thx for the resource Garry W. Will also add https://deathcafe.com/

12:29:21     From  Martha Cooper   to   Hosts and panelists : Honoring my father who acknowledged he was dying of cancer. He stated preferences for his funeral. A real gift. He really cared that my mom had a comfortable place to live. She chose one before he died.

12:31:52     From  Paula Rowan-Page   to   Hosts and panelists : Have hosted 3 dinners. Some folks think quickly on their feet, others need to contemplate before sharing in the discussion. Emphasize these questions as starting points - always subject to change. The participants inform each other in very tender ways.

12:33:18     From  Jacke Schroeder   to   Hosts and panelists : Steve, would you be able to share your script?

12:33:19     From  emily kearns : Also - see the death café movement. https://deathcafe.com/

12:33:36     From  Shari True   to   Hosts and panelists : Would you recommend sharing those questions prior to the dinner so people could come prepared with their thoughts?

12:37:23     From  Jason Popko   to   Hosts and panelists : I have been hosting a series of free Monty public Death Cafe’s at the local Berkeley, CA public library. 14 strangers showed up yesterday and we got deep very quickly. https://www.berkeleypubliclibrary.org/events/death-cafe-west

12:38:03     From  Shari True   to   Hosts and panelists : That makes sense - thanks!

12:38:19     From  Steve Gurney - ProAging Community : I have been hosting a series of free Monty public Death Cafe’s at the local Berkeley, CA public library. 14 strangers showed up yesterday and we got deep very quickly. https://www.berkeleypubliclibrary.org/events/death-cafe-west

12:39:30     From  Steve Gurney - ProAging Community : When we finally know we are dying, and all sentient beings are dying with us, we start to have a burning, almost heart-breaking sense of fragility and preciousness of each moment and each being, and from this can grow a deep, clear, limitless compassion for all beings. – Sogyal Rinpoche

12:40:19     From  Steve Gurney - ProAging Community : What stands in between you and a clear, felt sense of compassion for all living beings before you are on your deathbed?

If you had one day to say you were sorry to anyone you wanted before you died, who would be first on your list?

12:42:06     From  Jacke Schroeder : Really terrific, Steve!

12:42:11     From  louis Tenenbaum   to   Hosts and panelists : Terrific  presentation Steve!

12:43:20     From  Arlene Polangin : How many people did you have, Steve?

12:44:00     From  Arlene Polangin : No at your own personal one? How many people?

12:44:54     From  Alice Abrash : I really want to do this! is it a book? or an article? a guide? How can I learn more and get an outline of the process?

12:45:32     From  Alice Abrash : Thank you for this. I love it!

12:45:43     From  louis Tenenbaum   to   Hosts and panelists : Jason is one of my dearest friends and colleagues.

12:46:16     From  Paula Rowan-Page   to   Hosts and panelists : 8 is a good number. There is always much to offer and listen to. More might leave people frustrated over inadequate opportunity to share.

12:47:38     From  Steve Gurney - ProAging Community : Let's Talk about Death (over Dinner): An Invitation and Guide to Life's Most Important Conversation  https://a.co/d/2ZZbQsC

12:48:34     From  Susan V : Are there any online Death Cafes?

12:49:27     From  Steve Gurney - ProAging Community : https://deathcafe.com/

12:50:30     From  louis Tenenbaum   to   Hosts and panelists : Could you death over dinner in a zoom meeting?….I am thinking of family that are not local.

12:50:40     From  Paula Rowan-Page   to   Hosts and panelists : These are never about doing it “right”. But rather grappling with an inevitability that is subject to limitless changes of ideas. Facilitated by sharing and listening to others.

12:51:21     From  Steve Gurney - ProAging Community : Death Cafe

Tuesday, August 15, 2023. | 7:00 PM

Patricia Dubroof leads a lively talk about the end of life, legacy and what’s a good death.

RSVP Pdubroof@assistinghands.com for our link.

Register Here By Emailing!

Email Here

12:51:58     From  Dixcy Bosley   to   Hosts and panelists : Iona in DC has on line Death Cafes and we will be having one in person this fall.

12:52:19     From  Jacke Schroeder : Doesn't anyone charge a fee to facilitate these?

12:53:46     From  Beth Merricks : Great program as always.  Unfortunately, I have to leave now.  Thanks so much for these great programs/topics!  Beth

12:54:31     From  Elva Roy : Good meeting, Steve!

12:54:41     From  Susan V : great discussion, thank you

12:54:54     From  Danielle Mazur : Very informative! Thanks for not canceling!

12:54:59     From  Dixcy Bosley : Your personal experience was very powerful

12:55:03     From  Jason Popko   to   Hosts and panelists : You can reach me here https://www.linkedin.com/in/jasonpopko/ or jasonpopko@gmail.com

12:55:11     From  Shari True   to   Hosts and panelists : This has been great, Steve.  Thank you for sharing!

12:55:17     From  Jacke Schroeder : Agree, thanks for not canceling!!

12:55:27     From  Eliabeth Woodruff   to   Hosts and panelists : Great!!!  As always!  Impressive.

12:55:38     From  Tom DeMuth : Thanks, Steve. Looking forward to a follow-up discussion with Michael.

12:55:39     From  Jason Popko   to   Hosts and panelists : You rock Steve. Keep it up