Many times when I meet someone who learns about my profession is in senior living, it usually follows with a statement like "I really wish I knew about Aging Life Care Managers, Advance Directives, Adult Day, etc. when I was helping my Mom." Recently I gave a keynote speech at Senior Law Day and the theme of the entire conference was "What I Wish I Knew", which was truly brilliant! Join us for an on-demand recording using our live and interactive platform to explore this theme with real-life experiences, discussion, sharing, and offer peace of mind that there are others who have walked in similar shoes.
Powerpoint from program“What I Wish I Knew” (2).pdf
Contributors Comments:
From Glenna Crooks:
We Wish We Knew…
Had We Known We Would Have…
From Craig Clark:
One question was about ways to have a good talk especially about tough topics. Here are some tips that could help.
Before that conversation ask about some things that happened in earlier years. Maybe about friends, family, fun things, good vacations, things that went well and that they might be proud of.
As we age short term memory can become challenged, but long term/older thing memories do much better. It can feel good to have a memory that came along pretty easily.
It’s good if the memories are about potentially positive things.
The big advantage of doing this step first is that it can ‘wake up’ and energize the person’s mind, heart and soul. When they are energized people are much more able and willing to have those ‘tough talks’.
‘Preface’ the talk with these things:
I’d like to talk WITH you about an important thing that people don’t talk about very often, but it is important so let’s BOTH do our best to listen, think and be careful and patient with each other.
I may pose some questions for you, but please understand that unless I say so, you don’t need to respond or answer things now. Sometimes your answers are better for both you and for me if you’ve had some time to think about them before coming up with an answer.
Speak SLOWLY and think about including pauses. Hearing things that are ‘technically challenging’ and/or ‘emotionally loaded’ it takes more time to understand and to hear what is said. So, the slow speech and pauses allow the listener to do a better job with what was said.
Be present and LISTEN CAREFULLY. Rather than being distracted by trying to make your point, instead be focused on what is being said, the emotional tone and what else might need to be said along with it.
It might help to take notes if it seems appropriate to be doing this.
Finish with a Recap/Summary to make sure your understanding is correct. Before starting it’s important to say something close to this; “I’d like to tell you what I think are the important things are from what we said. If you think any of what I say needs a change or correction please tell me. If you think I’ve missed something that’s important then please say so.
If it seems appropriate, you could add that you’ll type up some notes about what we’ve talked about and that you’ll share those notes with them.
Chat Transcript
12:11:21 From Mary Lee Anderson to Hosts and panelists : Should I Stay or Should I Go was the theme of Senior Law Day in 2021!
12:13:15 From Joe Sperling : DO YOU WANT TO FEEL GREAT?
I’m Joe Sperling - “Protectionist”
I help folks protect what they love
and what’s important:
Families- with LIFE INSURANCE
Income- with DISABILITY INSURANCE
Assets-with LONG-TERM CARE PLANS
PLEASE: put plans in place while you can!
Before it’s too late.
You will FEEL GREAT when you do.
YOU AND YOUR LOVED ONES MATTER.
Put protections in place.
Call me: 301-980-8869.
joe@joesperlinginsurance.com
I’m not your average Joe!
12:13:32 From Diane Watson : I wish I knew that in Fairfax County, there's a number for Older Adults and Adults with Disabilities that can point me in the right direction for help and services I, or others can qualify for getting when needed 703-324-7948
12:19:11 From G M to Hosts and panelists : I wish I’d known the impacts that long distance caregiving for my parents would have on my husband and children
12:19:22 From Lauren Butler : How did the helpers sabotage?
12:21:12 From Tiffany Oscar : What made self care useless and what did you do instead?
12:22:17 From G M to Hosts and panelists : I wish I’d known that stopping out from work for 5 years to care for my parents would have a significant impact on my future social security earnings
12:23:58 From Sonia Gow to Hosts and panelists : Steve, could you please post the PowerPoint slides separate from the recording? There's a lot of great information there.
12:24:24 From Joe Sperling : Did your mom have long-term care insurance?
12:24:25 From Sonia Gow to Hosts and panelists : Thanks :-)
12:26:20 From Ken Silverstein : Hi Everyone--Happy Friday! Ken Silverstein, Friends Club--a nonprofit serving men with early to mid stage memory loss. We are a social club located in Bethesda for over 30 years. We meet three times per week and do have availability. ken@friendsclubbethesda.org, 301-469-0070. We are also seeking a part time office manager.
12:28:48 From Joe Sperling : Everything takes more time than you expect when there is a care situation.
12:31:58 From Craig Clark to Hosts and panelists : I have a list of things I can share if/when is appropriate
12:33:09 From Tom Shipe : Tom Shipe, Realtor with Long & Foster Realtors
703-946-4844 tom.shipe@LNF.com
Co-Founding: Superior Options For Seniors (SOS)
https://www.superioroptions.org/
12:34:14 From Glenna Crooks : @ Joe Sperling, no, Mom did not have LTC insurance. Mom has enough resources to cover any form of care she needs.
12:35:53 From Joe Sperling : Have a list of the senior's electronic passwords.
12:36:17 From Joan Green : Such wonderful advice is being shared. Thank you.
12:39:20 From RH Levin to Hosts and panelists : This is great -so helpful - will you send out recording / PowerPoint as before - Much appreciated all - many thanks !
12:39:59 From Casandra Key to Hosts and panelists : Excellent conversation and information
12:40:22 From Karen Malkin to Hosts and panelists : Is it still important to get disability insurance when you have long term care insurance?
12:40:38 From Joan Green : I can help families learn about options to leverage the benefits of tech to support older adults. Feel free to go to my website www.innovativespeech.com and sign up for a free 15 min consult. There are options to have text read aloud, turn speech into text, use smart assistants and smart speakers, simplified devices, apps for staying cognitively stimulated, and much more.
12:41:57 From Mary Lee Anderson to Hosts and panelists : Share responsibilities with family members based on their strengths -
12:45:29 From Joan Rubin-Kritz : People need to know--There are some great benefits of Medicare Advantage plans, BUT, there are also disadvantages- for instance, not being able to go to just any rehab or SNF, since the facility must have a contract with each specific managed Medicare plan, and the plans limit the number of facilities to which they issue contracts.
12:46:51 From Lori Sutton to Hosts and panelists : As a geriatric therapist, I am not a fan of Medicare Advantage plans, generally speaking.
12:47:59 From Craig Clark to Hosts and panelists : Steve, I just emailed a list of my things to you. Do with it what you want and nothing is OK
12:48:03 From Sonia Gow to Hosts and panelists : Thank you for mentioning care managers Mary Lee! I was going to ask :-)
12:48:50 From Catherine Boomer : The Coversation Project is a great free resource for EOL conversations
12:49:06 From Sonia Gow to Hosts and panelists : Steve - you might want to do this Topic as a monthly series . . .
12:49:48 From Catherine Boomer : Willow EOL is a more detailed, richer EOL curriculum
12:49:50 From Tom DeMuth : Do you have any suggestions for finding a great aging life care manager?
12:52:28 From Joe Sperling : YES! Different coverages.
12:52:57 From Joe Sperling : Steve- absolutely correct.
12:54:05 From Sonia Gow to Hosts and panelists : medicare portal
12:55:02 From Sonia Gow to Hosts and panelists : John Norce is with Medical Portal
12:55:04 From Sonia Gow to Hosts and panelists : https://medicareportal.org/
12:55:12 From G M to Hosts and panelists : My over-arching regret for my care partnering years with my parents is that I didn’t discuss with mom and dad that the solution(s) we chose would impact the entire family system, not just mom and dad. That its a family system solution to make the best endings for them. Adult children are impacted emotionally and financially as are their young children. The solutions we chose could have been optimized.
12:55:23 From Joe Sperling : EOL conversation can bring peace.
12:55:45 From Jose Ramos : I guess the metric, the only thing that counts, is how the elder (Mom or Dad) felt about living and the dying in a facility?
12:56:18 From Sonia Gow to Hosts and panelists : https://www.aginglifecare.org
12:56:20 From Martha Cooper to Hosts and panelists : Some parents are mentally ill. It makes decision making so much harder. What approaches might be helpful?
12:56:35 From Mimi Leinbach : This has been great, I agree. Make this a monthly conversation with a variety of speakers. You can not touch this topic too much! Thank you.
12:56:47 From Cedar Dvorin : Every state has a SHIP- in Virginia we are called VICAP- free, government-funded Medicare counseling. No insurance sales people may be part of the program. To find a local program, call your Agency on Aging or go to https://www.shiphelp.org/
12:58:46 From Ken Silverstein : It is SO important that caregivers/loved ones take care of themselves so they can be there for their loved one.
12:59:30 From Catherine Boomer : A systems approach to Elder Care can be very enlightening. The Bowen Theory of Family Systems is a great resource
12:59:48 From Sonia Gow to Hosts and panelists : Some elders don't want to talk about their future because they believe the "kids" will figure it out.
13:00:10 From Sonia Gow : How to find an Aging Life Care Manager
13:00:12 From Sonia Gow : https://www.aginglifecare.org//
13:00:46 From Nancy Zatzman : Speaking as a family going through this challenge right now, our difficulty is in getting our 90+ yo parents on board with hiring an ALCM. Being depression babies, they are extremely resistant to the cost. They know they need help, but this is a hurdle that is very difficult to get over with them. Oh, and $$ is not a problem for them.
13:00:47 From Sonia Gow : in the mid-Atlantic area https://www.midatlanticalca.org/
13:01:58 From Jennifer Late : Our clients are often surprised to find out they need both legal power of attorney documents and financial attorney in fact forms at each financial institution such as banks, brokerage firms, and insurance companies
13:04:32 From Steve Gurney - ProAging Community : From Sonia Gow to All Panelists 12:56 PM
https://www.aginglifecare.org
13:04:40 From Kelly Lambert : Fantastic information. Thank you so very much!
13:04:42 From G M to Hosts and panelists : Thank you Steve for your leadership in our community
13:04:42 From Sonia Gow to Hosts and panelists : Way to go Steve!
13:04:46 From Joe Sperling : This has been a WOW program!
13:04:48 From Ken Silverstein : Great program!!
13:05:07 From Casandra Key to Hosts and panelists : so much!!
13:05:22 From Jeannine Clark to Hosts and panelists : Fabulous information! Thank you!
13:05:24 From Aileen Klein : this was fabulous. please do it again.
13:05:34 From RH Levin : Always helpful - can’t wait for next -thanks
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